I told my friends and students (who, of course, are also my friends) that I would blog about the United Methodist General Conference, so let me try a warm-up. Yesterday, during my morning devotion time, I settled on 1 Peter 1:8, “…and even though you do not see him, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy.”
For some reason, at that very moment the word “ennui” popped into my mind. Dictionary.com defines “ennui” as “a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom.” Quite unfelicitously, it gave the following example: “The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.” Ouch! Boring lectures? Impossible! I’ve never done such a thing.
Next thought (still yesterday morning during prayer): “I’m not even at General Conference yet and I’m already suffering ennui.” Now, some 28 hours later, I’m thinking that maybe “ennui” is not quite the right word. Yes, there will be boring moments as conference committees slog through petitionary tedium. But that just goes with the territory. My particular brand of ennui is not so much weariness from boredom.
Sadness. That’s it. It’s weariness from sadness.
For at least 2 months I’ve been receiving items in the mail: letters, a video or two, various other publications. They all plead with me to vote for (or against) something: for this person for Judicial Council; for this or that legislation; watch out for the cruel conservatives (IRD) who are taking over our beloved UM Church. This is the stuff I’ve been getting in the mail. Certainly I appreciate and can sympathize with the zeal of the advocates. I don’t want my “ennui” to trivialize their concerns, but, surely, we care about more in the church than structures and boundaries and who gets to share the ecclesiastical goodies. I understand that General Conference is a legislative body, but something still is out of focus.
Maybe my reading I Peter is just bad timing. It’s the opposite of United Methdoism in the United States at least. Here’s a suffering church. Here’s a church with no power (there are parts of United Methodism in the world in which the biblical stories are existentially real to them. They are living I Peter right now. But not us in the USA). Here’s a church filled with joy, even though they don’t have any of what we usually associate with a prominent church.
There’s also a picture in I Peter of history (read the whole book; it’s short and you’ll see what I mean). These are the last days. We’re at the end of the age. In spite of trials, we have joy unspeakable; it’s full of glory. Be ready to suffer and in so doing, you’ll be like Jesus. Don’t give up. The suffering is not forever. Judgment begins with the household of God. Don’t worry about the “fiery ordeal” among us, but gird your minds for action. Be disciplined. Be holy.
I do not like this juxtaposition: a wealthy, aging, declining bureaucracy scrambling for status, going through its four-year ritual, assuming that we’re really doing something that counts (after all, CNN will come and video us!); a poor, suffering, powerless, hilariously, absurdly, joyful, hopeful fellowship preparing to die but full of life.
I’m sure my mood will brigthen once I get to General Conference. I’ll be watching honest, sincere Christians working hard to make faithful decisions. I’ll participate in interesting, well-done worship. I’ll see people from around the connection that I know and love.
But when we leave on May 2, will we have done anything that even remotely links us with the I Peter church? That truly looks like Jesus’ kingdom? Please God, by your mercy…